did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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