Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
