remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
