have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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