Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
