Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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