I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
