Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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