I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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