Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
