Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
