Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
