Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
