I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
