Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
