his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
