My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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