i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
