Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
