If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
