the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Actions speak louder than pants.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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