she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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