He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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