I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The uberlube is also flammable
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
