Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
id be glad to
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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