Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
