Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize