Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
