My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
