When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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