Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
