Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
