my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
