Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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