Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
