My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize