That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
