I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
