In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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