Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
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talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
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Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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