Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
