and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
