We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
