don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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