I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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