I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
