let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
