I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
