Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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