if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
No stitches, just platelets and will power
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
