Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
When are your genitals available?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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