Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
