how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Maybe he injected his testicle?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
