God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
