your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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