I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
