I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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