I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
