She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
bring money and cleavage
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
