I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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