this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
