I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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