i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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