Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
