Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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