I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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