I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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