Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
