I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
