What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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