he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
