You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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