I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
