in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
