I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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