i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I checked into jail on foursquare
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
