What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
