I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
