so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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