Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
where are my eyebrows?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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