I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
