I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
