I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
bring money and cleavage
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
