It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
