my phone needs a breathalizer
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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