I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
where are my eyebrows?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
